My friend and his brother have an ongoing battle to see who can embarrass the other the most when getting picked up at the airport. I see a clear front runner.

My friend and his brother have an ongoing battle to see who can embarrass the other the most when getting picked up at the airport. I see a clear front runner.

I feel like there is a point where you're embarrassing yourself more than the guy picking you up...

There's a pipe sticking out the front of my house that gushes out water drawn up from my sump pump. It only extends out a foot, so I have to attach this long black pipe onto it so the water spills out onto the street, rather than my lawn. The water then starts drifting down the curb, into a sewer grate.

I wish my ass were that smooth and a lot less hairy. A LOT less hairy.

Sons of Anarchy: San Francisco

More like Buns of Anarchy aim I right? Haha! love ya son. - Everybody's Dad

Let me put this in terms you'll understand. I'm like a suicide bomber of humiliation. I'm happy to go out as long as I take you with me. Your shame is my paradise.

-- Gilfoyle; Silicon Valley

True to your username.

I hear ya! When I wipe, it's like trying to get peanut butter out of shag carpet.

I mean A LOT Less hairy

I can't unread this.....

6/10 could have used more o's. 8/10 with rice

8/10 would guild

Edit: 11/10 <3

This is like if I showed up at a party naked with my penis painted bright pink and expected everyone else to feel embarrassed.

Does it look like that left cheek's been slapped??

There are no other pictures of them embarrassing each other?

Best prank I ever pulled was when I flew a friend in for a bachelor party. I booked his ticket for him but told Southwest that he was special needs and needed help getting escorted from the gate to baggage claim. I also told them that he would absolutely refuse help, so they needed to ignore that and make sure he was taken care of.

Watching him pull up in a wheelchair to baggage claim with three attendants surrounding him was priceless.

Let me put this in terms you'll understand. I'm like a suicide bomber

Was this to Dinesh?

u/NoRelevancy has 46,528 karma in 2 months.

While u/JadeDragoness has 392 karma in 5 years...

Wtf.

¯ (ツ)/¯

Edit: For this saying my arm is missing, it's actually there but refuses to show. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

So don't be a dick and give me gold. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Edit: Here, now I have no arms (ツ)

Reddit is about 90% non-sequiturs, 10% exaggeration and 24% terrible maths.

Haha jokes on you, my dad left me! X,D

Yeah, your friend may be picking up more than just his brother with that outfit

Hahaha it does!

Ya know, I would feel pretty embarrassed if you showed up to my party with a naked pink penis. I'd also think you were interesting or on drugs.

Well, there are.. However OP likes this picture more for personal reasons.

4/20 will forget this happened tomorrow.

A PB&J still would hit the spot right about now tho, wouldn't it?

Yeah 😂 didn't get that till you just pointed it out

My dad tried to leave. Jokes on him, he forgot to unhitch the trailer.

Good one bro! slap ass

6/9 would sex

And 100% reason to remember the name.

David Sedaris wrote about his sister Amy doing this to each other in the crowded NYC subway. Amy got off first and yelled back to David who was seated, "good luck with your rape case!" Doors closed. Stink eyes ensued.

Jokes on him: bro has to ride on the back of that bike. #nohomo

At least your probably good at basketball!

9/11. Never forget

The only thing that would have made that ensemble better was if he was wearing one of those biker tees that say on the back "if you can read this the bitch fell off"

If that ruined PB&J for you, then it was probably already on its way out

Santa Barbara Airport right?? I saw this!

Fuck that's ruthless

You just ruined one of my favorite foods growing up.......... You're a cruel man

U weak son

here we go... http://i.imgur.com/DxxsKI0.png

here we go...

12/12 wood ruler

Do yourself a favour and buy a hair trimmer. Shaving is a literal pain in the ass but trimming every few weeks does wonders.

Buttless chaps are called chaps. If they had a butt they would be pants.

I mean reading this comment chain has made me want a PB&J even more.

Do they come with different water pressure settings? I would need "car crashed into fire hydrant" strength

here it is Enjoy!

You are not embarassing yourself if you do not feel embarassed. At least that's what I think. So, if this dude simply doesn't care what others think about his choice of clothing, he most likely doesn't feel embarassed wearing that.

I love pranking my bros.

From an Amazon review of the "Bio Bidet A3":

"How do we talk about something like a bidet without feeling a little awkward? I ordered this item for the bathroom in my workshop. The price was right, and installation was very easy with basic hand tools.

The first time I used it, I switched through all the sprayer settings to test them out. I quickly found that anything higher than the first setting produces a jet of water that can easily force its way up inside your rectum, injecting cold water where the sun don't shine. While I had, um, emptied out my bowels completely before I turned on the sprayer, the jet from the bidet shot enough water up my bum that I had to poop again to get it out. After I'd pushed and drained for a minute, I was sure I'd let all the water out.

An hour later at work, I felt the familiar sensation of gas trying to escape, and went to a room with no coworkers around to let out what I thought was a small fart. Imagine my surprise when I tried to let out the gas, and a surprising amount unexpected of water came out. It was just disgusting water so it didn't really qualify as a full-on SHART ATTACK in the office, but it was still enough to leak through my Banana Republic khakis and leave me in a very uncomfortable situation. I ran to the bathroom, where I expelled still more water into the toilet. I was able to wash up and change into a pair of hospital scrubs, but I did not enjoy the experience.

Now, some people undoubtedly find a shot of cold water up the ass enjoyable, but it I was only looking for a gentle spray wash. If you purchase this item, be very careful about turning up the knob higher than the first setting - and make certain you haven't inadvertently pumped any water up into your lower intestine. If you do go for a deep-cleanse colonic injection from this bidet, make sure you get all the water out before you go anywhere, and make damned sure you're on a toilet if you feel like you need to pass gas later in the day."

11/9 would regret.

5/7 perfect score

Plot twist: She's a lady.

Don't be gross bro. Of course he would.

Edit: HERE's ANOTHER VIEW FROM THE FRONT. Just told my buddy he hit the front page. He says thank you! He promised to post more on his instagram when he gets off work @cormacpara He's a paragliding instructor and all around badass so he may be worth a follow.

Never forget that best of Craigslist post. Don't go full baldy on your ass crack

Because his father's position in his life was filled by the basketball coach that was pounding OP's mom?

Really? He looks like he's a little behind.

I'll show myself out

Feminine penises are the new vagina

No. This guy is legendary. I'd be laughing SO hard if I saw this

Haha, no. Fuzzy friend of mine once shaved his ass and he told me the next few days were excruciating. Apparently if your butt cheeks aren't used to rubbing together all day, they chafe and burn something fierce. I think the first day he wound up sticking a sock down the back of his jeans, and for the next week he lubed up with some vaseline every morning. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Yyeah that's... that's what he was implying

Baby powder is much more comfortable and less messy than Vaseline. Eww.

if the bro in the back gets a boner, can he blame it on the bikes vibration?

I guess he is going to have to suck his bro's dick. "AHA! you got your dick sucked in public by a dude, how embarrassing!"

Yeah, maybe he has a sister.

You made me zoom really far in on a guy's asscheeks, thanks.

Not sure if you meant "any" or "Amy," but I'll accept either.

More like bunhitch the trailer. Haha! Oh, son, I tell these jokes because I'm old and unhappy and my love for your mother has withered away into a deadened husk and a growing part of me really regrets starting a family, and minor bouts of passive-aggressive absurdism are my only outlet for fun. Or should I say, my only outlet for buns! hahah! kill me.

Did they "help" him out of his seat too? Oh wait, you said Southwest.

sigh...unzips

Honestly it ain't that bad if you treat your downstairs with some respect. Use a sharp blade, work carefully, shave with the grain, use shaving cream, use a non-alcohol aftershave after, moisturize, and then puff a little baby powder when dry.

If you follow every step, you'll have a gleaming pink butt that any woman would stop and gasp in delight at.

But if like a fool you skip a single one of those steps, your stubble will scrape you raw and a free flowing river of butt sweat will work its way through your terrible crevice.

I'm a lady, damnit!

Not really weak, though. I picked maggots out of a living dog and watched a doctor work on my leg with a scalpel and still didn't lose my lunch.

Struggling with this one lol. Maybe it's because I'm getting older.

By having a well crafted username, they achieve up votes for what otherwise would be considered shitposting. A true wizard.

Yes, he was talking about that jacket.

Yes, he was talking about that .

I've been in 100's of airports. Never seen a motorcycle at one.

I'm sure they got some attention.

You find a way? But there's usually like one source of water in a public toilet, and you just shit in it

BROJOB

Feeling a bit cheeky?

Your cheeks stick together as well and when you fart it slides up your suctioned cheeks and pops out the top near your back, sounding like a slide whistle. I know from a friend.

any sedaris is a national treasure

Shaving can also lead to very sweaty cheeks. I have a particularly hairy ass crack and tried shaving once. My ass was a swamp for weeks

I'm a lady and I'm pretty sure most ladies shave their assholes and I've never had any problem with sweat except maybe in the dead heat of summer.

(I know some men IRL are shocked to hear women do naturally have hairy assholes but yes, we do. But even women who go full bush I've never known one to not occasionally shave that shit off.)

I guess men are more ass sweaty?

keep practicing

Haha, yeah, the ficus really brightens up the room.

Did you see her penis? So elegant and demure.

While hilarious, it really sounds like that guy really needs to shower more often...

Prob cause she got it from The League

No it wasn't. I almost had one for dinner..

brb ordering now

The embarassment is like a pressure in a compartment, it seeks a way out. If the situation is embarassing, and the offending party is acting confident and not showing any signs of discomfort, somebody else will shy away. So yeah, your example is reasonably relevant, but the outcome greatly depends on the quality of implementation.

13/10 Suspect is on foot and wearing a blue hoodie.

Paging /u/unexpected_FtMinor

That's why you trim not shave.

Can you ever be embarrassed by a situation you have total control over?

Loss of control is the essential prerequisite for embarrassment.

Because WHERE DO YOU PUT YOUR BAGS!?!?

Oh man that is brutal but hilarious

idk, I kind of prefer this one from Max Uriarte:

"Someone named Antony Lopez also sent me a photo of their hairy asshole, which I did not include as an official entry, because it wasn’t within the rules. Sorry, hairy-asshole Antony, maybe next time I’ll do a competition where I ask for the absolute hairiest asshole in the world and you could win without contest.

I imagine taking a shit for you is like watching a Cirque Du Soleil acrobat fall into the net every time."

http://terminallance.com/2013/12/27/terminal-lance-revenge-of-the-dependapotamus-pg-9/