Why don't hillbillies ever try reverse cowgirl?
Because you don't turn your back on family.
Larry the Fighter Pilot
A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."
The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson
"And how about you, Sarah?"
"I wanna be Larry's whore"
What does 80 year old vagina taste like?
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering A minor
A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.
After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.
The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."
Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"
"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little bastard!."
My favorite sex position is the JFK
I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
[NSFW] Had sex with my girlfriend a couple days ago..
My girlfriend and I had sex a couple of days ago.
She looked at me and said, "Turn the light off and stick it in my butt".
I guess I should have waited for the bulb to cool off first.
They say pineapple juice can make your cum taste better
but for me it just ruins the pineapple juice
A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3 [NSFW]
A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Primary 3. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Primary 4. I am smarter than my sister and she's in Primary 4".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Primary 4.
Principal: What is 3+3?
The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Primary 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.
Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?
Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Madam: What goes in hard and then comes out soft and sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge
Boy: Bubble gum.
Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
The principal was looking restless
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
Boy: Wedding ring.
Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
Principal: O MY GOD.
Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this BLOODY boy to the university... Even I myself got all the answers wrong!"
"How can you watch porn but still claim you love only me?" My wife asked
" The same way I watch Formula 1 whole weekend but still drive my 2002 Toyota Camry everyday" I replied..
That satisfied her...
I just failed to mention I take rental at Enterprise when I go on business trips